Passive people are often superficially very pleasant and eager to please – even too pleasant, and too eager, since passive behavior is generally characterized by the desire to avoid conflict and the constant wish to please others. Passive people tend not to want to face up to difficult problems and situations because they are frightened of upsetting others.
They give in to unrealistic and unachievable demands, saying “yes” when they need to say “no” (or at least “but”). They promise deadlines that can’t be met, promising to “do their best.” They keep problems to themselves and play it safe to avoid any risks. This can lead to a spiraling effect – they gradually lose the confidence of those around them, including their manager. The manager’s role is to help such people to develop and become more assertive.
Advantages
There are many advantages for helping passive people change their behavior:
- Passive people become more confident, their self-esteem rises, and, as success breeds success, their newly learnt assertive behavior starts to come naturally to them.
- Better communication means the productive airing of problems, fewer missed deadlines, and reduced potential for conflict.
- Passive people learn to make decisions and solve problems that they would previously have referred upward or sideways.
- Creative, decisive, and productive people get better results and cause fewer problems at work.
Disadvantages
The principal disadvantage of helping individuals develop is that it takes time, and more time. Passive people require sensitive handling, patience and genuine commitment from the manager. Don’t avoid the problems and avoid passive people. This may result in:
- The individuals themselves becoming less and less confident.
- A continuous circle of low self-esteem, underperformance, acceptance of overwork and impossible deadlines, etc., leading to absenteeism and/or illness (often stress-related)
- The loss of their colleagues’ confidence and respect, especially if their passivity affect colleagues’ work.
- Playing it safe or avoiding making difficult decisions, which can have disastrous effects for the organization.
Developing Process
1. Understand the problem – Why people are passive
Reasons why people behave passively include:
- The mistaken beliefs that they will be disliked if they disagree and that others like someone who agrees with them;
- The desire to please, sacrifice long-term realism for short-term compliance and agreement;
- The feeling that other people are threatening
- The failure to understand that they have a right to their own views and ideas
- A lack of confidence in their own views and ideas;
- A lack of familiarity in assertiveness and techniques;
- An inability to see themselves as others see them.
Realize that for most passive people these attitudes and behaviors are deeply ingrained. They cannot be changed overnight, and simply telling a passive person to behave more assertively can make the situation worse. You need to empathize with the person’s problems while staying committed to changing his or her behavior.
2. Understand the problem – How passive people react
Passive people often confuse assertive with aggressive behavior and find it very difficult to act assertively themselves. They think if they make a firm statement they are being aggressive, and they equate passive behavior with politeness. It is important to spot these reactions – don’t assume a polite smile means everything is fine.
Spot the problem
Three key indicators of passive behavior are:
Spoken language – People who behave passively tend to use expressions like “I’m sorry to border you, but…” or “I know I’m probably wrong, but…”
Body language – Telltale signs of passive behavior include:
- An ability to make eye contact;
- Stooping and keeping the head down;
- Nervous gestures like fingering a collar or playing with a pencil;
- Speaking abnormally quietly; excessive use of “um” and “er”
- Stepping backward when spoken to.
Work results – Passive people tend not to want to disappoint or upset people; so they take on too much work, get overloaded, and then can’t keep up. They may become unreliable, miss deadlines, or habitually put off difficult decisions, or refer them to a superior.
4. Begin to address the problem
All too often managers allow passive behavior to continue unchecked because it poses no immediate problem. However, it is important to getting to grips with it as soon as you recognize it. The first step is to communicate with the person, and in this case communication means more listening than speaking.
Find time to ask questions and listen – quietly and privately – to the person about his or her passive behavior. The idea is to start modifying behavior, which should help gradually to change underlying attitudes.
5. Explain rights and responsibilities
Emphasize that everyone has responsibilities and right to:
- Make mistakes;
- Say how they feel and what they think;
- Refuse certain requests;
- Say they don’t know, don’t agree, don’t understand, or need help;
- Tell other staff members that their performance needs to be improved, and in what ways;
Help the passive person to accept that it isn’t helping anyone to relinquish rights and responsibilities, moreover, the team can suffer as a result.
6. Explain the basics of assertiveness
On a very basic level, assertiveness means:
- Acknowledging the other person’s point of view, expressing facts, and your own thoughts and feelings, honestly and openly, without rancor;
- Suggesting a constructive way forward when problems arise;
- Standing up for yourself if you are being put upon.
7. Be a role model
Show how effective assertive behavior can be by demonstrating it yourself. If a passive employee can see that a manager acts assertively, listens to problems, and finds solutions without apportioning blame, the person is more likely to be encouraged to act the same way.
8. Give your approval and encouragement
Make it clear always that the person has nothing fear. One of the roots of passive behavior is that people are fearful of disapproval and of being wrong. Define your expectations. Make it clear that you will approve of assertive behavior and disapprove of passivity. Given that a passive individual wants to please and conform, establishing acceptable standards of behavior is helpful. Encourage a climate at work that actually allows people to release their fear. A person practicing assertiveness may actually behave aggressively to start with – discourage this carefully without squashing the effort to change.
9. Create the right environment
Help people leave passivity behind. Encourage assertiveness by:
- Coaching them in techniques and approaches;
- Setting up an easy way to increase confidence – for example, a situation in which the passive person can try out new skills and be assured of success;
- Giving feedback regularly on the person’s performance and progress, and praising assertive behavior;
- Clamping down gradually on passive behavior.
10. Implement training and development
Training and development are key factors in helping passive staff change the way they behave. Informal coaching is one approach, but if the individual’s passivity is particularly deep-seated, the person may need to think about getting counsel.
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